self-gratification

where i am now is another long story of faith and disbelief, of insecurity and safety, of fun and boredom. where i am now is what i have been waiting for for a while. where i am now is not possible if not of the days and nights i have struggled and succeeded in life. 

you know, when we are tested by fire and cold, the best result we can become is the least we expect. in such kind of life, you know how to survive, how to find ways to live. but it is also true that in such kind of life, we also succeed in finding a desired castle of hopelessness and desperation. 

when we are caught up in this situation, the last and first person we seek is yourself. We try to preserve what we have acquired for years, what we have been struggling to fight throughout our life since a child. we seek our own passion, need, including greed for satisfaction, lust and self-gratification. yes, this is the truth. we can loose everything, everyone in an instant but with a single small option, if given any, we will always start with our life. 

this is certain for all of us. even how much excuses you make, i cannot make believe what i see in every human life.  you may say " Oh, so how about compassion?" certainly there is compassion. it flows in our veins and our spirits are not foreign to it. in fact, they are visible in our lives; it causes us to give what we have to the needy; it gives us the idea that we have to respect others of their rights to live and exist. but i am not questioning its existence but i question though how it operates in our lives.